The undisputed facts
Of white painted lines
The undisputed facts
Of white painted lines
He yells at the screen every game,
imploring, demanding, lamenting
that they must run faster, jump higher,
throw further and try harder,
cover that last inch or two
to achieve, to win, if only
they would listen.
And the players always sigh
look at each other and tell him
“yeah, we’re doing what we can.”
“Alright folks, it looks like we’re just a few moments away from the main event. We got the last of our contestants lining up on the raised portable dance floor. Jerry, what’s the competition looking like?”
“Well, Bob, as always, we’ve got tons of beautiful talent out there, but it looks like the real matchup’s going to come down to Aunt Vivian, Cassie, and Cousin Beth. Now Aunt Vivian is an established veteran of the bouquet toss, having just gone through her third divorce, so she’s especially anxious to get in there and give it a go. Now, that being said, Aunt Viv has already pounded about seven glasses of wine so far today, so her reaction time might be a little off. Of course, being the Maid of Honor, Cassie is looking to be the crowd favorite tonight, everyone’s really pulling for her. But my money’s on cousin Beth. The girl’s got a reach on her, not to mention some bony elbows, and she’s small enough to slip between the competition and really get herself in there.”
“Not to mention, she’s better dressed for the occasion. Her dress flows enough so it won’t restrict her leg span. Not to mention, she’s the only girl smart enough to change into a pair of flights.”
“Right you are, Bob. It looks like the bride’s getting ready for the toss —”
“See, right there. Cousin Beth’s already getting down low, ready for the pounce, well before the whistle’s blown. She’s effectively boxed out all of the girls from Table 12 already.”
“She’s not messing around, Bob. Wait — looks the bride’s getting ready — she’s squatting down to give the toss more height — and they’re off!”
“Now you see, Jerry, poor Aunt Vivian’s overeagerness is gonna cost her this time. She didn’t expect the bride to get that extra leverage in the toss, and now she’s too far up front and — OH! Did you see that? Cassie, our Maid of Honor, digs her bony elbow right into Sarah Jones, the Best Man’s amicable college Ex. Oooh, that’s gotta hurt!”
“Cassie pivots on the end of her stiletto heels and —”
“Oh no! A surprise from the front as Aunt Vivian recovers and launches her ape-like arms through the air and right towards that bouquet. She might get it after all!”
“Don’t speak too soon there, Bob. Looks like Beth has already snaked her way around the Girls from Table 12 and —”
“Wait, it’s looking like Aunt Viv might —”
“Oh! Boxed out by Cassie!”
“Beth takes the lead as Cassie plays defensive. She throws her arms up and —”
“Whoa! Do you see what I’m seeing, Bob?”
“I think so, Jerry! Interception! Who was that —”
“I think she came with one of the cousin’s on the groom’s mother side, Bob. Bam! Outta nowhere!”
“That was an impressive snag from a total wildcard.”
“I’ll say. Well, folks, there you have it. Another successful bouquet toss.”
“Which means that lucky lady and some other gentlemen are heading into the next round. And that’s where the real competition begins.”
“Heh, you said it, Bob!”
Someone y’all should know about:
The 12th collegiate player all time with over 2,000 points and 1,000 boards. The few who beat him to the punch: Oscar Robertson, Elgin Baylor, and Jerry West.
First overall pick in the NBA draft, 1962. Some amazing company: Elgin Baylor and Oscar Robertson again. Kareem. Magic Johnson. Olajuwon and Ewing. David Robinson, Shaq, Tim Duncan, Yao Ming, LeBron. Take a look.
Why do I mention him? Because it’s playoff time, and this guy is a local hero. All-American in high school, 4 straight All-LA selections, 3 city championships. A killer player and a killer guy all around.
And you know what else? He’s gonna put out a book. Believe that. Stay tuned.
And here it is. It’s for the USC crew team. Go, Trojan Navy. Do it to it.
USC Crew Team Begins Season with Promising Results
With the fall collegiate rowing season just getting underway, the USC Men’s Crew (The Trojan Navy) is already exhibiting signs that they are poised to have one of their strongest showings in years.
The team’s season opened this past weekend at the Newport Autumn Rowing Festival in Newport Beach. With sixteen different collegiate teams represented in a field of thirty eight-man boats, USC’s varsity eight finished fifth in the field and ninth overall, besting the top crews from regional competitors University of San Diego, Loyola Marymount, UC-Irvine, Arizona State, UCLA, and national powerhouse Orange Coast College, to name a few.
“It was a great showing,” said coach Danny Johnson, who comes to the Trojan family after rowing competitively for Orange Coast and UC-Berkeley in the past. “This race marks a true turning point for the team.”
Men’s rowing was a varsity sport at USC throughout the post-war era, strong from its inception in 1948 and running continuously until 1993. In that time, it produced a number of storied competitors, including Conn Findlay, who went on to win three Olympic medals – two of them golds – in paired oar-shell competition, and Julian Wolf, who managed the 1984 U.S. Olympic rowing team. The intercollegiate squad folded in the early 1990’s due to Title IX, only to be revived at the turn of the century as a club sport.
As a non-NCAA-affiliated organization, the team has had to as spend much of its time fundraising as training these past few years. Luckily, it seems those efforts are finally starting to pay off. Though they are still working to pull together enough capital to buy a new boat, they were recently able to purchase two used eights – both of which have seen multiple national championships – from the training fleet of UC-Berkeley. And though they’re not as swift as spring sport racing shells, it appears they’re already making an impact in the water.
“We were able to surprise the team with the boats on the day before the event, and I think it made a huge difference,” said Coach Johnson. “The varsity had a great race, with a thirty-three strokes per minute pace. As a pure point of comparison, we lost to UCLA last year by twenty-seven seconds, and this year we managed to best them by twice that. A one-and-a-half minute turnaround in a fifteen-minute race – that’s something.”
With three eight-man teams in the water – including a JV boat and a Novice squad that, despite some early-term errors, also turned in solid races – The Trojan Navy has shown solid improvement from years past and looks to the coming season with well-earned sentiments of promise and pride.
Their next race is the ’09 Head of the Harbor, hosted by USC and featuring squads from Arizona State, Orange Coast College, Loyola Marymount, UC-Irvine, UCLA, and UC-Santa Barbara. The event, which takes place on November 15th, will be held at the Port of Los Angeles in Wilmington, CA and will begin at 9:00 A.M. For more information on spectating the event, call (949) 677-9145.