On the 8th Day, God created the Internet. He looked to it and saw that it was good. Adam & Eve were delighted — they finally had something to waste their time on while they were wasting their time in Eden.
Then one day while Eve was poking around the Internet on her Apple device looking for more videos of cats when she stumbled upon a link to a news article. A snake appeared in the grass beside her and hissed, “Ssssssssssscroll down.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, not having seen a talking snake before.
“Passssssssssst the article. Sssssssssscroll to the bottom of the page.”
And so she did. But Eve was still confused. “Okay, but now what I do?”
“Sssssssssssimple,” the snake responded. “Read the commentssssss. All the ssssssssssssecrets of the world will yoursssss if you jusssssst read the commentsssssss.”
And thus was borne original sin. And then Adam came by and said “First!”
Posted in memoir, nonfiction, prose
Tagged apple, bible, book of genesis, christianity, comments, creation myth, God, internet comments, ipad, jesus, monday, old testament, original sin, sega genesis, sin, the devil, the internet
She spits at my feet but looks to the sky
as she is blessing me, so full of grace.
Like Seraphim wings, the whites of her eyes
glisten, wide open like Saint Peter’s Gate
at the Endtimes, with no one left to save.
She drove three-fourths of a revolution
to arrive, humming hymns along the way,
but never thought that she would be the one
abandoned by righteousness, left alone
as Mary ails, asphyxiating faith.
Her whispered conscience knows not what it’s done,
now, or at the hour of her death:
Her only sin has ever been her pride,
a trespass greater than the sum of mine.
Posted in memoir, poetry
Tagged angels, christianity, end times, eschaton, hail mary, jesus, missionary position, nuns, protest, religion, saint peter, seraphim, sin, sonnet