Tag Archives: nuclear

The 12 Days of Apocalypse

On the first day of apocalypse,
my true love gave to me
a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the second day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
two mutant cats
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the third day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the fourth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the fifth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
five malformed kids!
Four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the sixth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the seventh day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
seven zealots preaching,
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the eighth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
eight redneck cannibals,
seven zealots preaching,
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the ninth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
nine zombies eating,
eight redneck cannibals,
seven zealots preaching,
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the tenth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
ten warlords fighting,
nine zombies eating,
eight redneck cannibals,
seven zealots preaching,
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the eleventh day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
eleven evil aliens,
ten warlords fighting,
nine zombies eating,
eight redneck cannibals,
seven zealots preaching,
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

On the twelfth day of apocalypse
my true love gave to me
twelve monster plants,
eleven evil aliens,
ten warlords fighting,
nine zombies eating,
eight redneck cannibals,
six bombs a-nuking,
five malformed children,
four asteroids,
three giant lizards,
two mutant cats,
and a desert wasteland full of disease.

The War on Marriage

The War on Marriage won’t be waged with fighter jets or green platoons. Instead we’ll see soldiers suited up in homogenous suburban camouflage, blending in to raid their gated communities. There will be suicide bombers entering into self-destructing civil unions; dirty bombs that poison minds, infecting them to branch out to something more than Missionary style; bazookas that blast through yards and scorch the earth of our otherwise pristine lawns, shattering our picket fences; and billowing clouds of chemical warfare, suffocating our souls until we love who we can’t help. POWs contained, tied down with wedding rings, and tortured well beyond the limits of the Geneva Convention by daily household chores and a mortgage; those who refuse to cooperate are forced into a 401k. The fear that fills our hearts and minds will be justified once it turns to nuclear warfare, when loving, functional, nuclear units are dropped from the heavens to lay waste to the idyllic lives that previously plagued the neighborhood. Once those nuclear family bombs detonate, it will only be a matter of hours until the war comes to an end, and those of us who survive will be forced to rebuild, digging ourselves out of the apocalyptic ashes of this post-coital wasteland.

Stick to Metric…

Holy hell the world appeals to me. For the last few nights, I have been up at night until ungodly hours just trying to lift my mind out of my head. In the fleeting moments between consciousness and dreams, I can fly through the photos in the newspapers and relive my old adventures. I was lucky enough to live in Mexico for a couple of months- with a family in Cholula (no connection to the hot sauce). Day after day, my Spanish developed as I chatted with bartenders and street vendors, waiters and students. It was in Mexico that I determined my own dream: Escape the American dream. I will not evaluate my success with cars and big screen tv’s. But, if my bank accounts won’t show my worth, then what will?

The New York Times has a video hosted on their site that attempts to espouse the horror of the drug trade/gun trade interaction between the United States and Mexico without showing anything truly disgusting. It’s a rather beautiful piece that attempts to make every person in the U.S. who has ever smoked a joint feel the impact of their actions. Moral of the story, the U.S. is paying to try and halt the drug trade at numerous points (e.g. destroying crops and implementing stronger border support) but, at the same time, we are purchasing the drugs that keep the trade afloat. Oh our conflicted values. It reminds me of the Woody Allen movie Bananas- The United States sends troops into San Marcos, a country in turmoil. Half of the U.S. troops are fighting for the current government while the other half of the troops represent the revolution. When pressed, the soldier responds that “the government isn’t taking any chances this time”. In the drug trade, the U.S. population is foolishly fighting for both sides. And for our own safety, the average Joe should probably just avoid the whole situation anyway. These murders are real.

On the other side of the world, North Korea continues to do what North Korea does. With their new missle capabilities (potentially to Alaska and Hawaii), anxiety levels rise. Soon, the fear is that our lives are in the hands of some crazed leader with his finger on the trigger… although I guess this is truly always the case in politics. Are we really so violent a human race that only the threat of annihilation prevents catastrophic destruction? That sentence reads so ugly in my mind.. but I fear it is valid.

It feels like even minor human successes are construed to be disappointments. In Africa, marine bioligists managed to save more than 20 beached whales. Granted, there were 55 beached whales, so many animals died. The headline: “South Africans Dozens of Beached Whales”. And this was a story that I deemed rather positive as I read through the pages of the paper.

To return to my original idea, how will I measure my success if I don’t use riches? Can a single person even make a dent in the issues that I mentioned? To address the first question, I will assume that the second is necessary. And I answer- yes. Absolutely a single person can make change. Large, grandiose change. But the first step in this change, this answers the first question, is that a person must see, truly see, the problems. Not read about them or listen to some expert. Once I become a part of the problem, I live it, then the next step is making a positive difference. Sometimes, my influence will be null. But the situation is not worthless if I was alive and attempting the betterment of what we call life. The experiences will be my ruler- and I only hope that I can measure enough not to let myself down.