Tag Archives: new year’s resolutions


You have reached the deadline. You are now dead.
Forget what gods you naively prayed to
in The Time Before You Died, because those
gods cannot help you realize this new
lack of future. You have been forsaken.
Perhaps there will be mercy, but don’t get
too comfortable with any one hope
in particular; you are lucky to
even retain existence, the ghostly
ability to appreciate the
dank murk of uncertainty your non-life
has become, for this is the end of the
world, this is what doesn’t come afterwards,
and somehow you have failed you yet again.

Resolutions I Won’t Pretend to Keep

Stop cussing
Stop worrying
Stop cruising Think Geek

Write every day
Run every day
Run every other day

Spend less money on food
Spend less time on Facebook
Spend more time with people

Train cat to sleep in
Train cat to open canned food
Train cat to stop training me

Do laundry every week
Do laundry every month**
Fold laundry on laundry day

Sleep more
Work less
Keep resolutions


**Maybe I’ll keep this one.  Maybe.