Tag Archives: marvel comics

Cool Shirt, Dude

Arms outstretched in private places,
grasping for a friend, the searching
eye will diagnose the iconic lines
emblazoned on his breast, a symbology
that triggers this camaraderie of kin
otherwise abandoned thin in social
isolation. But here amongst the hive
where such subversive patterns grow,
the mirror still surprises him
with faces that he knows.

Race and the Internet According to Hogwild19100

I’m just gonna call this “found poetry” and be done with it.


hate the new spidy and noo its not
bc hes black
for the love of
god please black ppl
will you stop with
the racist shit

ok im 20 years old wasnt around for that shit
ok neither were my parents
ok so drop the bull shit calling

everybnody racist shit just
bc some one has a differnt opinion than you
or that they dont like the new spidy

ok your race wasnt the only race to be discriminated against
ok so quit the racist card boo

hoo shit enough
i hate
the new spidy bc they kill
off peter and then in a matter
of day they already have a new one?
really its like peter never existed
and then marvek said they were ganna change
some of this new charactes views form peter
like hes ganna have a competl;y new outlook
on justrice and crim and all that shit
so basically what marvel is saying is that

w.e made spider man spider man
w.e made peter parker peter parkewr

there just completly throwing that shit
outa the window and are brining something
comltly new and fresh in? wow dumest decision
ever you take and american icon and shit

on it by bringing in a dude
that doesnt even share the same
beliefs or ideas or views
or justice on crime into the comic
books and expect ppl to like it ?
exspecially hard core spidy
book readers? fuck no the worst

decision marvel has ever made

plus hoe the fuck
did he get his powers
huh did he
get bitten by a special spider
too pshhhh lame as hell wow

marvel im very disapointed in you
you cant take something like spidy
and just kill him off and replace him
with some bogus character you ruining
and trampling over the legacy of peter

parker with this new character
don t you see that? its like if we
wake up one day and the U.S
government decides that there ganna
replace the statue of liberty
with some other bogus statue that
know one has ever heard of like

wtf

i mean that statue is
what makes new york
new york besides
the 911 bombiungs
but thats getting off
topic any ways you see
what im saying tho you cant
just do that shit you piss
alot of ppl off that way

including me and again its not
bc of the fucking color
of the kid if the mutha
fucka was purple i still
wouldnt care its the fact
marvel is changing the very foundation

of spidy and trying
to replace the
foundation that
eveybody has come

to love about spidy and really
in my opinion destrying it
with this new charcater ill
go back to reading batman comics and stick
with the peter parker spider man comics

and then they were ganna make him gay!!
like seriously like to i have a problem with gays

no i dont do i believe in what
they believe and stand for what
they stand for no
i dont but im not ganna treat them
differntky for that but i mean
serioulsy your ganna start
putting gaynes in our comic
books to? i mean shit like

for real this is the way
i look at it i wont push
my straightness for girls
in your face dont push
your gayness for guys
in mine k sounds

like a deal
but noo you
always have
this happy go
lucky gays
all ways

perading around pushing
that shit in my face do

i look like i care
that your gay fuck

no i dont
care but

do me
a favor

and dont shove
that shit in
my face thats where
we have a problem

and i mean damn your telling me
now that i cant even pick up a fucking
comic book trying to relaxing
and drink a cup of coffe

with oru seeing the new
spider man making our
with some dude!!!! wtf

what is this world
coming to god

help us all
i mean do ppl

nmot think that kids will read
this shit too? i mean is that

really something you want
for your kid is to have them

be gay well

that your decision as a parent
but at least let your child make
a decision for them sleves dont

force gayness in there
face by this new spidy
comics thats not fair
to the chid at all

i mean when i was little
i wanted to be just

like batman
and just like
kidfs theses days
wanna be

just like spidy and
if the new spidy is

gay the kids
are ganna

want to be gay as well
its just an over all

bad risk and
bad choice
by marvel i
will back
fire on them

im willing
to bet it


(sic)

Villanelle for San Diego Comic-Con Regrets

I will not be at San Diego Comic-Con this year,
and every time you ask me I’m reminded
that instead of standing in long lines I’ll just be sitting here.

I will not be the very first to hear
the latest comic news, at least not until it’s tweeted.
I will not be at San Diego Comic-Con this year.

I will not see the costumes that appear
on the awkward and undeodorized
standing in long lines. I’ll just be sitting here.

I wish that you and I could grab a beer
after getting all 160 issues of Ultimate Spider-Man signed,
but I will not be at San Diego Comic-Con this year

Think of me when you are hanging out near
Joss Whedon, or Katee Sackhoff, who you think you spotted
while standing in long lines; I’ll just be sitting here.

On the bright side, I don’t have to worry about finding a tear
on my rare exclusive SDCC variant cover. So to everyone who asked:
No, I will not be at San Diego Comic-Con this year.
Instead of standing in long lines, I’ll just be sitting here.

Claremont/Loeb: Red Reign X (part 1)

Part 1 in a 4 part limited series.

Meanwhile, famed X-Men scribe Chris Claremont found refuge in the Holodeck Training Room of the mysterious alien space craft. Yes! This will be an excellent position from which to prepare my counterstrike against HULK writer and newly announced Marvel Executive Vice-President of Television Jeph Loeb, the mad cretin against whom I most battle in order to satisfy my lust for vengeance! Chris Claremont furrowed his British brow as he contemplated his next move. I contemplate my next move, he thought as a subtle wind from a recently opened door nearby rustles through his bold, white, British beard, returning his focus to the present. What was that? A subtle wind, rustling through my bold, white, British beard! It must be from a nearby door that was only just opened! That can only mean one thing — Jeph Loeb has found me! But how could he find me so quickly when I am hiding out in the Holodeck Training Room of the mysterious alien space craft?

No sooner was Chris Claremont struck by this thought that he was attacked by a Type 3 Subsonic Plasma Blast. The explosion hurled his fat British body into a wall nearly 30 feet behind him, the force of which dented the metal and sent mysterious alien rubble crashing down around him. He soon found himself buried up to his waist in debris. The force of the blast knocked me into the wall nearly 30 feet behind me! It must have been at least a Type 3 Subsonic Plasma Blast! But who is capable of wielding such power?

At that moment, Chris Claremont’s angry British eyes — until now hidden by his furrowed British brow — collided with the eyes of his attacker. “Of course!” he cried. “Who else could it be but —”

“It is I! Jeph Loeb!” the attacked belched with a smarmy grin. The lights of the mysterious alien Holodeck refracted off of Jeph Loeb’s shiny forehead, as revealed by his receding hairline, and his LA TV executive sunglasses absorbed the energy in order to convert it into Type 3 Subsonic Plasma Blasts for his next attack.

“Tell me, Chris Claremont,” said Loeb. “Have you read HULK #24 yet, the latest chapter in my Red Hulk epic, a modern classic?” Chris Claremont spit daintily at the foot of his aggressor, as his proper British upbringing prevented him from engaging in any less polite or more combat-appropriate etiquette.

“Ha!,” replied Claremont. “Do you truly believe that a master of the form such as I would have the time to read such filth?”

“Perhaps if you stopped relying on such lengthy exposition, you would find the time! You should try phoning it in like me, rather than relying on convoluted storytelling like you always do! Then you will become a true master of the comic book from.”

“Only a master of evil, Jeph,” responded Claremont as he reached for his laser sword.

“Chris Claremont — there is something you must know. You are actually the gender-swapped alternate reality cyborg clone of the Red Christine Claremont from Earth-418, who is a writer on the HEROES remake in the 33rd century!”

Chris Claremont’s body went prostrate from the shock of this revelation, causing him to drop his laser sword, his last line of defense. “No!…that’s…that’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings, Chris. You know it to be true! Joe Quesada uncovered the truth when he got drunk with Stan Lee at Comic-Con last month. But he didn’t tell you, because he hates you and only keeps you around out of pity!”

This revelation filled Chris Claremont with a rage that his otherwise well-mannered British self had never encountered. A tingling sensation began to flow through his veins, like feet regaining feeling after falling asleep, and his skin turned a shade of blue-ish grey. Loeb was terrified, frozen in fear — he knew what this meant, of course, and it was as unexpected as it was inevitable.

“Loeb,” said Claremont as his body stretched and grew. “It’s %&*#in’ break !@$# time!”

To be continued!