Tag Archives: Football

Stuffing

We played soccer while the turkey slow cooked,
with the Mexicans from the kitchen who
half wanted to celebrate their newfound
Americanness and half were happy
just to have a full day off finally.
We watched football later in the day and
wondered if there were more traditional
sports that could be played, the Pilgrims’ ping-pong,
Columbus’ lacrosse, a Viking type
of tennis, snowballs thrown over the bow
of a long ship after a lengthy trip
into the unknown, some ancient native
game, perhaps, something lost forever to
time and race and smallpox and translation.

Soccer Ball

At center of the pitch, resting gently
on the grass, waiting to be blasted passed
the opposing goalkeeper by either
team. So many hopes and dreams seem to lie,
to rest, on such a small air-bloated sphere.
Bets and bullets placed in hollowed chambers,
all because Colombia face us, or
Celtic meet Rangers on the weekend. It
all begins with little more than, “Don’t use
your hands,” but international demands
raise the stakes and wages, complicating
what started as love of the game. At a
certain age, though, it’s never the same. You’re
unhappy, and of course your team’s to blame.

Oh, to be (anything but) a Lion

Matt Stafford vs. A Real NFL Career.

 

Quick question: if you wanted to have a successful life playing pro football, who would you most want to be?

Georgia quarterback standout and likely #1 2009 draft pick Matt Stafford?

Hell, no.

This poor Stafford kid, I kind of feel for him.  He’s about to get picked up by the Detroit Lions – the lowliest team in the history of the NFL – and he’s gonna wither on the vine there like a grape left after wine season.  

The Lions have nothing at all going for them – nothing.  They’re coming off an 0-16 season, worst in NFL history, and a steady streak of ruined QBs.  They’re like the girl who chews up boyfriends and spits them out.  Don’t believe me?  Ask Jon Kitna, who got sacked an amazing 63 times there during hist first season with them in ’04.  Or Daunte Culpepper.  Or Joey Harrington.

The guy has no offense at all to support him, and as a rookie QB, he needs better or else his career will be shorter than the line for O’Douls on Super Bowl Sunday.  

Be that as it may, at least he can get comfortable with the knowledge that he’s in for a fat payday, regardless of how short his career is going to be with Detroit.  The last four number 1’s – Alex Smith, Mario Williams, JaMarcus Russel, and Jake Long – signed contracts with payouts averaging over $50 million each.

At least he’s trying to sound the part.  In an interview earlier this week, the kid said that he is really excited about being a Lion.

Earth to Matt: nobody is excited about being a Lion.  Guys currently on the team don’t even tell their moms when they’re on TV.  I heard one of the linebackers even tells his wife that he lost his job and is working at the local McDonald’s.  

Says she respects him more now.