Tag Archives: election

New Girlfriend

I had a new girlfriend,
with lips full and bright,
but then I lost my job
and she had no insight

on where to find work,
and so even though
she said she’d support me,
I told her to go.

So I got a new girlfriend
with much bigger eyes
but she wanted a choice
for her dinner one night.

I said that was cute, but
I knew what she wanted.
She stormed off and left me
right back where I started.

So I got a new girlfriend,
and things were so great
until we had a baby, which
kind of ruined our dates.

It cost too much cash
to provide for all three,
and I felt I deserved to
keep all my own money

So I got a new girlfriend
who cost me no more
until the end of the night –
just another cheap whore.

And then she made me ill,
so I found me another
who could take care of me
like a boy and his mother.

Then things got all weird
when she felt like I owed her
for helping me heal,
so I found me another

new girlfriend, just like
that first one long ago,
but she still wasn’t perfect
so she still had to go.

The Nominee

The low grumble of voices shared greetings and platitudes. Hands with no callouses or hangnails clasped, and occasional forearm grip breaking the rhythm of mechanical pumps. Everyone asked about kids or the business; no one listened to the answer. Something heavy and wooden was banged, calling for everyone to take a seat.

Once everyone was settled around the large round table, all the men present placed their hands on the traditional green felt. A layer of hazy smoke hovered around the ceiling, though no one had lit up inside for years thanks to burdensome regulations. The room was quiet.

From the shadows, a man called out: “Go.”

The hands jumped off the table, snapping to each face like a catapult. Within a second, each man sat with index finger against his nose in a pick-not-scratch, position. “Not it,” they shouted as one.

Replay technology had eliminated do-overs and tie-breakers. Looking up at the screen, they watched the super slo-mo, seeing who had moved slowest. Once identified, the man with the graying temples slouched. He stood up, buttoned his suit jacket with a wince, waved at his compatriots, and went to be measured for the kevlar and talking points. Too slow, he thought to himself. Just too slow this time.