Tag Archives: Dracula

Crucifix

I’m reading Dracula and finding flaws
in the logic of religions: 1) If
each belief is the One True Way, why do
writers bother with new fictional gods?
2) Did Jesus ever jerk off as a teen?
3) Is there an exact constant speed at which
Mohamed flies, Mary rises, or the
angels fighting Satan dutifully
march off to their not war to never die?
4) Does it make a difference to vampires
which communion wafers one chooses to
sterilize consecrated ground, or would
Eastern Orthodox work just as well as
Baptist, Mormon, Seventh-Day Adventist?

Now I Assume That Everyone Named Harry Is a Wizard

Cold, late night so long ago,
some girl said, “These are good, you know.”
She handed me a novel;
it looked really fucking dumb.
I put it off for several weeks—
back then I wasn’t such a geek.
Actually, that’s bullshit. I was worse and I know it.

“Come on, read it,” she flirted and cooed.
“You don’t have to love it, though it is really good.”
So try to understand…
Try to understand…
Try, try, try to understand…
I was fifteen and she was really cute.

Days and days I read and read,
just to get this girl in bed.
“Wingardium leviosa. Alohomora.”
So, once I’d finished every one
I went to tell her what I’d done.
Ya know, I had to admit that I really enjoyed it.

“Then come along, please,” she begged with a pout.
“I need someone to join me when the new book comes out.
But try to understand…
Try to understand…
Try, try, try to understand…
It means dressing like wizards in public.”

~pensive moment/actually considering it/musical interlude~

“Come on! No way!” I said to that chick.
“Yeah, I’d like to fuck you, sure, but this is ridic.
But try to understand…
Try to understand…
Try, try, try to understand…
You can totally call me when you’re done.”

~another thoughtful moment of silence/longer interlude this time~

“Please come with me,” she finally said.
“Maybe if you’re good we’ll go and read in my bed.”
So try to understand…
Try to understand…
Try, try, try to understand…