Tag Archives: deciders

Maura: Outside Session 1

I chose her because looked young. Because she’s young, and probably because she’s Jewish. Steinhauser. Jewish, I think. Jewish people are okay with abortions. This is the only choice for Tiffany, and she can’t be convinced any other way.

I’m being sensible.

Outside Dr. Steinhauser’s office there is a carpeted seating area with five chairs, all black leather, which I think might be fake but it doesn’t really matter because it’s comfy, and I’m alone. Tiffany has been inside for fifteen minutes. We are no longer in Haightford. It’s too polluted. Too many people know her story. There are too many news trucks, and everyone is talking about Keith Rose when they should be talking about Tiffany. Well, they shouldn’t be talking about Tiffany. They should be minding their own goddamn business. But what I mean here isn’t lost. Longington, this office—it isn’t a place that has room for people like us, but I know I’m kidding myself that Haightford isn’t just like that, too. We are relegated to our apartment complex, to our corner of the town. Tiffany does not fit with the Haightford girls, and I’ve always known that.

Is this really what she deserved?

I reach for the keys in the outside pocket of my purse and keep turning them over in my hands. The triangular one, the one that opens up the dental office, that’s the best one to touch.

Dr. Steinhauser—Rachel—is she one of those doctors you call by their first names? The doctor had a website with a pretty picture. She looked young. I already said that. She graduated from Yale and Columbia. I specialize in assisting families and young women. Out here, in Longington, no one takes insurance.

I get up and start pacing the waiting room, and check my phone. Patrick has called again. Son of a bitch—doesn’t he get that I haven’t called back? It’s too much. It’s all just too much. There is a tabloid, an Us Weekly, that I pick up, relieved to see it, and surprised to see it in the stacks of the Harpers’ and the New Yorkers and the Psychology Todays, but it’s three weeks old, and I’ve read it already at the office. Somebody must have left it behind. I drop it back on the stack.

What is she doing in there? What are they talking about? Has she mentioned me? She’s mentioned me. I can feel it.

I bring up Rachel Steinhauser’s website again on my phone. A Southern Connecticut native, I established my practice in Longington with a focus on providing support to the community and its members. I specialize in assisting families and young women. 

I can’t do more of this. Why her? Why us? Why me?