Tag Archives: computer

The Future Has A Price

Out the window
Above, airplanes
Tailor-made for speed

So fast the people move
The blue sky seems
Turned white

Out with Windows
Install Macs

Cut, copy, paste
Your quick keys bend
My thumb

Life Support System : : Please Reboot

She jabs a thumb drive to her neck, feels the motherboard whir and warm as the OS takes control.


//INSERT: libation = drive-D

160,000 nanobots in every ounce of syrup. Consistency like motor oil; never quite as sweet but she drinks it all the same. Oozing over tongues, the nanobots release a shock at the back of the throat, electrical impulses cued when the horizontal journey comes to an end, jolting user


before the vertical descent into Central Processing Unit. When it hits, they release inhibitors inside her, consuming RAM, slowing syntax functions as they integrate her motherboard and stimulate her light-emitting diodes, obstructing image render full pixel view. Corrupting, arousing them just enough to crash.

Runtime error: motor function impaired.

Force Quit?// yes : : no

System reboot imminent.


// systemcheck = please press C//

12% . . . 34% . . . 67% . . . 84% . . . 90% . . . 97% . . .

Data loss :: 16%. Processing image — input :: pupil. Render:

Everything is pixelated, unclear. Oversaturated, or at least too much to process.

This system was not properly shut down. Run Diagnostic check?

Warning: spinning disks. Do not move

and the system struggles like a chain ungreased. Oxidized, slow and clumsy, a rocky ride with quick fumbles forward, tripping over stubborn links and failing again.

Warning: Too many connections. Audio input: none.

Warning Not enough space on hard disk. Unable to complete function.

Additional 3 GB required.

function :: MOVE files=ALL -> f::// toilet

Are you sure you wish to delete all items in folder?// yes :: no

//Eject: liquid//drive-D

Recalibrating balance . . .

Calculating gravity . . .

Please quit all other applications during this process

ERROR::drive override//ignore

//Re-routing RAM to CPU//

disk check complete


How to Make Love to a Robot

(or Other Synthetic Object with Simulated Intelligence and Emotional Response)


Always carry extra lubricants,
oil to keep the pistons pumping,
pulsating properly, gears grinding hard
while the parts glide smooth like rivers,
streams, greased chains helping you
maintain a steady flow, mechanical rhythm.

Squeaking parts are fine, often preferred.


When establishing a safe word,
try to program it in as a verbal
command function, a voice-activated
off-switch just in case.

Alternatively, keep your robot on a cord plugged into
a nearby wall and give it a hard tug when you think it’s time.


Always give your robot time to warm up.


Despite claims to the contrary,
you will find a nerve cluster or
pleasure center present on most
machines that functions as a
central Gravity Spot.

Apply pressure as needed.


If 01101001001 — 10010110100010101101
10001010001110, 10000101100010 0110110
0101111. 000110101 010 1010001110 101110
011001, 01101 110 0101011110101001 111001;
1010001, but never in the shower or the rain.

Lifetime warranties do not cover water damage


Do not cross wires.


Always position yourself on top of
or horizontal to your robot.

Unless you are seeking auto-asphyxiation
pleasure from being crushed, in which case,
please refer to safeword rule b. above.


Be both gentle and rough; use discretion to determine
the sensitivity level appropriate for each situation.


Keep your robot’s batteries fresh at all times
(Duracell recommended); do not allow your robot’s
energy cells to run dry mid-function or you risk
a hazardous crash, without option for reboot.


Always use protection. Latex or Rubber
boots are recommended to establish proper
grounding and allow residual or excessive
electrical current to flow through your feet
into the ground.

Chainmail is not an acceptable form of protection
and should only be used in roleplaying (see rule b.).


Above all else,
do not remove the screw.