Tag Archives: apple


In the beginning, there was God, and He
was a big pervert or something, telling
Adam to walk around naked while He
watched from His God perch. And when that wasn’t
enough for him to get His rocks off on
anymore, He turned Adam into a
girl and watched while she walked around naked,
and it wasn’t until they caught the creep,
when they had their mouths around his apples,
that they understood that maybe what He
was doing was not okay, and they made
like a banana and split, and God got
so angry that He gave us Internet
and cruise ships and other mild distractions.

The Book of Sega Genesis

On the 8th Day, God created the Internet. He looked to it and saw that it was good. Adam & Eve were delighted — they finally had something to waste their time on while they were wasting their time in Eden.

Then one day while Eve was poking around the Internet on her Apple device looking for more videos of cats when she stumbled upon a link to a news article. A snake appeared in the grass beside her and hissed, “Ssssssssssscroll down.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, not having seen a talking snake before.

“Passssssssssst the article. Sssssssssscroll to the bottom of the page.”

And so she did. But Eve was still confused. “Okay, but now what I do?”

“Sssssssssssimple,” the snake responded. “Read the commentssssss. All the ssssssssssssecrets of the world will yoursssss if you jusssssst read the commentsssssss.”

And thus was borne original sin. And then Adam came by and said “First!”

The Seed Within

This fallen apple
From our tree of knowledge,
Son of silicone,

Bringer of technology,
Adopted son of America,
Father of so much
We use to see,

Sleek stylist with a stylus,
Will your robot children
Weep for you?

We could ask no more of you,
Desktop bringer,
Jukebox maker,
High-tech world mover, shaker,

Decades of slimming
Metals and plastics
Saw your own earthly form,

Plastic, in it’s own way
Elastic, stretch and slim,
You, giving your life

To the century,
Living to Six and Fifty,
A booming Baby Boomer
Blooming in the fast lane,

An entire generation
Saving for their own century
And him spending so much toil on us,

Ere it not for him,
What tunes
Would sound your picnic?

What phone would we queue to see?
What small manner of monopoly
Would then rule our digitality?

Huzzah, a man has lived,
And empires did he build,
Einsteinian perspiration

Fueled his inspiration,
The World of Macintosh,
Icons of creativity,

From this knight
Of trade mark white
Lending us his legacy,

We thank you,
For continuing while rich,
We thank you for caring

Who with PC will switch,
We talked about your product
Like no other before,

I dare you, gentle reader,
Name Gates and but one more,
Upon your final rest

Your reputation stands,
Behold! Symbol of power,
The Apple rules the land.

Every Girl is an Apple

Baby, can you read this mind?
Because I won’t say a word.
I’d rather hide myself inside
of this ruby-tinted world. But if you
looked behind these colored glasses,
you would find that darling, it’s not
love, it’s just another trick of the eye.

When I dream of Jean, prior to
the goblin Queen, it’s the thought
that counts on me to cheat.
But you will always find me in
this white hot room for three
keeping Frost and fire waiting
willing on their knees. You see,

every girl is an apple. Yes, every
girl is an apple. Every girl
is an apple in my one red eye.

Marvelous girl, let me enter
yours; I’ll show you mine. Just know
that I keep one foot out the door
and in her mind in a fantasy: I lose
control of you and then escape,
then when you’re gone I tell myself
that it’s too late because every girl

is an apple. Yes, every girl is
an apple. Every girl is an apple
in my one red eye,

                                           and if looks
could kill, then this could be love
-ly to see you again, in life
or ’til death do us part.