Tag Archives: action movies

Movie Pitch Poetry: Clowning Around

In this big budget action flick,
Jason Statham stars as
Pagliacci, a curmudgeonly
clown whose circus is
being secretly bankrolled
by the Yakuza. But after
several missed payments,
the ringmaster is in danger of
losing the circus as well as his life.

Well, Pagliacci the Curmudgeonly
Clown ain’t standing for that shit.
He ain’t standin’ for none of that.
This circus is his home, you know?
So when the Yakuza sends their
best soldiers to claim the money
by force, Pagliacci gathers up
the troupes and fights back.

You think he’s got a big nose?
Wait ’til you see his bazooka.
(we’ll come up with a cool
line for that in the trailer)

Oh, and of course, there is an
illicit romance between
Pagliacci and the bearded
woman; she is cold, distant,
ashamed of being a freak,
and does not think that
any man can truly love her.
But Pagliacci does.

(The bearded woman is
played by Megan Fox)

But wait! Oh no! The
circus troupe militia
is betrayed by one of
their own! The lion
tamer has been in league
with the Yakuza all along,
feeding them information
about this rebellion! And
now he’s taken Bearded
Megan Fox hostage! Jason
Statham the Clown falls
for his trap when he goes
to rescue her in the center
ring, and after a brief
skirmish, he knocks the
lion tamer back, and he
gets eaten by his own lion,
in a bloody, satisfying twist
of irony. But that’s not all!

The Yakuza leader played by
Ken Jeong (who is of course
also a classically trained
trapeze artist) arrives at
the Big Top to take matters
into his own hands. In the final
showdown, Clown Jason
Statham loads himself into
the cannon. He looks straight
into the camera and says,
“The show must go on,
mother fucker,” or something
equally quotable and
nihilistic before launching
himself into the air in a spiral
with two pistols blazing and it
will be totally sweet. Trust me.

Then, in the final confrontation,
Pagliacci faces down with the
Yakuza leader in a swordfight
on the tightrope, high above
the ground. He draws his own
sword from out of the mouth
of the sword swallower, who
will be like a human sheath,
because that’d be awesome.

And then maybe Pagliacci will
actually end up dying at the hands
of the Yakuza leader, but he decides
that it’s all too much work, and he
turns ownership of the circus back
over to the performers, who will
re-name the circus at the end of
the film in honor of Jason Statham.

I mean Pagliacci. Whatever. We’ll
figure that part out in post.

Movie Pitch: Catchers In the Rye

The latest team-up buddy thriller from acclaimed director JOHN WU (Face/Off, Mission: Impossible II) comes CATCHERS IN THE RYE, the first and greatest JD Salinger adaptation for the big screen. Based on the hit novel loved by adolescent teens the world over, CATCHERS tells the story of two prep school rivals, Holden Caulfield and Stradlater. When Holden finds himself suddenly kicked out of school, framed for breaking a rule he didn’t break, he uncovers a vast conspiracy within the echelons of prep school history — one that reaches the highest levels and darkest deeps of American aristocratic society. As Holden seeks justice for his wrongful punishment, he finds himself reluctantly drawn into an uneven truce with Stradlater, his former prep school roommate, and the same boy that stole Holden’s love, Jane Gallagher. But what does Jane Gallagher have to do with the globe-trotting schemes of this nefarious organization? Holden’s younger sister Phoebe goes missing, captured and held for ransom by a mysterious group known only as The Ducks of Central Park. But who are the Ducks of Central Park, and where do they go in the winter? Holden and Stradlater soon discover that even their favorite teachers can’t be trusted, and find themselves in globetrotting chase that spans the world from rural Pennsylvania to New York City and all the way to the Central Park Zoo to discover the truth. Holden is torn between keeping his innocence or proving his innocence. In order to save that which he loves the most, Holden and Stradlater must become — CATCHERS IN THE RYE.

JD Salinger’s classic The Catcher in the Rye finally comes to the big screen the way it was meant to be seen in this high-octane summer action flick.

TAG LINE FOR VIRAL MARKETING: “This is my people shootin’ hat, motherfucker.”

ALTERNATE TAG LINE: “If you really want to hear about it, bitch.”