For a few decades most Europeans
had two birthdays, a byproduct of the
pre-EU ways of conducting foreign
diplomacy: do whatever the hell
you want, Russia, and we’ll clean up your mess—
chronologically speaking—later
on, when history’s forgotten how much
we all couldn’t get along. But like the
royal houses in WWI, it’s all
relative, and if the earth and sun and
stars and dust clouds and everything in
near perpetual motion stopped for a
moment we wouldn’t know it anyway,
it’s all manmade, so have your two birthdays.

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