homecoming.

[GOD is sitting alone.]

[JESUS enters, glares at GOD.]

[There is a long, uncomfortable, judgmental pause.]

JESUS
Well, I’m back. Are you satisfied now? Am I finished being your guinea pig? And now that it’s over, would you mind telling me what was the fucking point?

Fine. Just sit there. You just sit back and enjoy. Laugh it up. Because I suppose you can. I guess the whole thing’s just a larf-a-minute with you, knowing what you must know while the rest of us have to spend our entire lives in the dark, speculating like goddamned idiots.

No pun intended.

So, should we check it out? See if there’s anything interesting on the tube, here?

[JESUS picks up a remote control and begins channel surfing through an unseen TV.]

Would you just look at that. Flesh-eating lions, oooooooh! How exciting! Hey, look, oppression, poverty, and — now there we go! Holy war! Good work. Nicely played! Where was that in your prospectus? Let’s fast-forward here — war, war, war — famine and plague, smart touch — war, war, ethnic cleansing, war, The Bomb, way-fucking-scarier-war — don’t blink, or we’ll miss something.

[He is caught by surprise.]

Oh for crying out loud! Do you see this? Are you even paying attention?! Look at that, will you?! A designated hitter. What’s next, inter-league play?!

[double-take at the TV, agitated]

Oh fuck! I was just kidding about that!

Are you happy now?!

This is what it was all for?

This was your great master plan!

Some plan. Some experiment. Why’d you do it, really? Just for shits and giggles? Because you had an extra two-by-four lying around, collecting dust? How about “just because you could?” Hm? Well that’s a pretty shitty reason, don’t you think?

[One last look before he clicks the monitor off in disgust.]

And there it is. The pièce de résistance. Reality TV.

[slow clap]

I’ll be in my room if you feel like offering any kind of explanation, you pompous dickbag.

[Before he exits, JESUS stops and turns around, rubs his wrists, massaging them in pain.]

And I don’t care if you are omnipresent, you have no idea how fucking itchy I was up there.

[JESUS exits.]

[GOD sits quietly.]

[LIGHTS FADE]

[END OF PLAY]

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