half past the time you left

she’s lying face down on the bed well not quite face down more like face side so she can breathe while dozing but she is definitely stomach down like belly down like lying on her stomach and i’m staring at her ass

mostly i’m just concerned about what happens next when she wakes up and it’s light out and she’s sober and i’m here because i haven’t left yet and my car is somewhere fuck who knows maybe back in the parking lot at the restaurant or maybe three blocks away with the tire pushing up against the curb of the sidewalk but here i am now and i’m sober too

she sneezes in her sleep and i’ve never heard such a thing it’s so fucking cute i want to throw up and so i go into the bathroom and lean over the sink and i almost do and i almost do and i almost try for it but think better of this and splash water on my face and it drips down onto the purple bathmat and i feel like shit

she yawns and i look at myself in the mirror i look haggard and old and i don’t like my bald head and i don’t like my smudged glasses and i don’t like my flabby stomach and i make an angry face back at my angry face and i grip the sink and clench my teeth and shake my head and hate all the hate i feel back at myself

which goes away because she is beautiful and she is bare and she is sober and she is smiling and she is saying hey and i am sighing and thinking about my keys

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