the meeting with tom cruise.

“first, guys, let me say that i am PUMPED — just PUMPED!! — about this script. i get it, you know, i GET get it and i want to make this movie. i want US to MAKE THIS MOVIE!”

“thanks, tom, that’s really excit –“

“i just have a couple of ideas, just a few changes that i would make but they are JUST IDEAS, maybe they’re terrible, maybe i’m crazy but just HEAR ME OUT.”

“um, okay, sure, that’s –“

“my character’s name is andre but can we change that to something like, i don’t know, how about JACK? it’s not that it’s less — i don’t wanna say fruity but i guess it’s less — faggy.”

“uh, that sounds fi –“

“GREAT. Jack. i can feel it already. something GREAT is happening here, can you tell, guys, i am PUMPED! also: i think, even though it’s the future, Jack’s got a strong connection with the past.”

“yes! you’re so right, that’s exactly what we –“

“so i think he should wear a NEW YORK YANKEES HAT!”

“um. but it’s 300 years in the fu–“

“exactly, a strong connection with the past and JACK’s an ALL-AMERICAN, NORMAL kinda guy, right?”

“well there’s no america anymo –“

“RIGHT! so, this ALL-AMERICAN, NORMAL guy named JACK wears a NEW YORK YANKEES hat! and who doesn’t love that? EVERYBODY loves the NEW YORK YANKEES!”

“actually, mr. cruise, everybody hates the — “

“guys, this has been SO GREAT and i am SO PUMPED. we can hash out the details later with my people, so i’ll be in touch. i hate to split but i have to go HAVE SLAVES and PUNCH THEM.”

2 responses to “the meeting with tom cruise.

  1. Hey Jeremy, this conversation is probably almost 100% spot on. This wasn’t a real conversation, was it?

  2. haha. nope!

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