gratification gained from pain,
deprivation, degradation, etc.,
inflicted or imposed on oneself, either
as a result of one’s own actions
or the actions of others
Don’t “aw, sweetie” me. I don’t
want to hear it. I don’t want to be held.
I want you to hit me
as hard as you can.
I’ll hit you back, don’t get me wrong.
This isn’t some too-battered-to-say-no
kind of deal. This is the push and pull
you signed up for. These are the motions.
Those little kisses and sweet caresses
just don’t cut it for me. Let’s make this
a fight we never talk about. Let’s see
how far you can bend me before
I break. I like the snap crackle pop
of my joints the next morning.
If you want to make me feel better,
make it hurt. Color my skin
with sickly shades of bursting blood.
Stamp impressions of my back
on every wall of this room. Don’t stop
until I tell you. (I won’t.)