Monthly Archives: June 2011

Ups and Downs

Twisters,
Zippers,
Benders,
Comets,
All coasters,
Hurricanes,

Dippers,
Fliers,
Spinners,
Cyclones,
Whizzers,
And Boomerangs,

Vortexes,
Shockwaves,
Vipers,
Whirlwinds
And avalanches,
Big Thunder Mountains,

Leapers,
Streakers,
Screamers,
Loopers,
Wild mouse banshee mind erasers,
Summer time
Again.

Which would you like first?

The good news is it feels much cooler inside our bedroom than it does outside; I saw a woman staring out her window, chin in hands, while a baby pointed and babbled next to her; I am reading two books at once; I have experimented and succeeded at creating a cobbler recipe that your father enjoys (the secret is butter, I should have known); the apple tree is finally fruitful.

The bad news is my hip joints do not have nifty little holes like my sewing machine where I can drip oil as needed; all of the other fruit trees we’ve planted were uprooted in last week’s hurricane; I forgot to buy milk and eggs during my grocery store trip this morning (and now what I actually did buy escapes me. I spent two hours in Kroger that felt more like five minutes); the carburetor is on its last leg, daddy says (and he didn’t laugh when I asked, “No other limbs left to prop it up?” so I know he’s worried); Amy Beth, the girl I was always trying to get you to meet, has died of a swollen heart and now you will never get to meet her (I made her parents a chicken casserole, but they don’t eat meat so your father and I have been eating on it all week and he hasn’t quit griping); I’m reading two books at once and I keep getting the characters and story lines confused.

Write me a letter for once. I’m your mother.

Shameless plug! Check my story “Mother Knows Best” at fwriction:review tomorrow!

Haiku Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, part 2

This book might as well have been titled The Boy Who Cried “Draco.”

Chapter 16: A Very Frosty Christmas

Minister Scrimgeour
wishes for Harry’s aid v.
Voldy for Christmas.

Chapter 17: A Sluggish Memory

Harry gets homework
from Dumbledore: get Slughorn’s
Voldy memories.

Chapter 18: Birthday Surprises

Cheating, vanishing
classes, love potions, and Ron
gets poisoned. Good month.

Chapter 19: Elf Tails

Harry hires house-elves
to spy on Draco after
big Gryffindor loss.

Chapter 20: Lord Voldemort’s Request

More pensieve action:
Voldy kills fat old lady,
applies for a job.

Chapter 21: The Unknowable Room

Dobby finds Draco
using the old Dumbledore’s
Army room. Why, though?

Chapter 22: After the Burial

Luck potion helps when
trying to steal memories
from drunk professors.

Chapter 23: Horcruxes

Voldy hid his soul
in six magical objects:
two down, four to go.

Chapter 24: Sectumsempra

Untested spell use,
hospital stays, detention,
Quidditch, making out.

Chapter 25: The Seer Overheard

Psychic prof. proclaims
Draco triumphant, reveals
Snape betrayed Potters.

Harry gives friends luck
potion to defend castle,
leaves to find Horcrux.

Chapter 26: The Cave

Dumbledore, Harry
explore cave for Voldy’s soul
and fight off zombies.

Chapter 27: The Lightning-Struck Tower

Back at school, Dark Mark
shines (Draco’s doing). Snape kills
Dumbledore… wait, what?!?

Chapter 28: The Flight of the Prince

Battle rages while
Harry chases Snape, revealed
to be Half-Blood Prince!

Chapter 29: The Phoenix Lament

Night’s events explained:
Bill Weasley mauled by werewolf
(in human form—phew!);

luck potion saved lives;
Neville, Flitwick hurt; after
song, Fawkes gone for good.

Chapter 30: The White Tomb

A funeral for
Dumbledore; Harry, Ginny
break up; plans are made.

Storytime Dreams

I told Mother this morning that when I grow up, I want to be a protagonist in my own story. She just laughed as she set a plate down in front of me with two strips of bacon, two slices of toast, and two eggs over easy. “When I was your age, it was every boy wanted to grow up to be a firefighter, or astronaut,” she said. “Now everyone wants to be the protagonist in their own story. If everyone was a protagonist, then who would do the work that makes the world go ‘around, huh?”

She always delivered the guilt trip over things like this. “Can you imagine if Ms. Mott wanted to be a protagonist? Who would be left to teach you about reading and arithmetic? If everyone was a protagonist, there’d be no one left to teach you how to be a protagonist!” Ms. Mott was my second grade teacher. She was beautiful, blonde, and buxom, and she was very understanding and patient when I needed help on my math homework.

Mother sat down at the table across from me in our tiny, cramped kitchenette and looked at the eggs on her plate. She sliced cleanly through one of them with the edge of fork; the yolk didn’t run, meaning she’d left them on the stove for too long. Mother always hated when the yolk was too hard. It reminded her of my father. That was why she was so sensitive about my dream of being my own protagonist — father had left her for the exact same reason. “I’m tired of living my life for the betterment of someone else’s story!” I heard him yelling angrily through the wallpaper of our rent-controlled apartment. “My father worked for the union for 55 years, and all he had to show for it was a boring old pension and some ungrateful kids. He would have been happier if he just had his own story. I’m not going to make the same mistakes as my old man.”

The next morning, my father was gone. By the end of the weekend, Mother had cleared out everything that reminded her of him. Well, except for me. I’d always had his pale blue eyes and moppy brownish hair — and now I had his foolish dreams as well.

“Well…maybe I can be an astronaut, and a protagonist!” I tried telling her before biting into my first slice of bacon. The crunching reverberated all throughout the empty hollow of my young head. I waited for the echo to die down before swallowing; there was still no response from Mother. I looked back down at the food in front of me, the food that she had so lovingly prepared for me, and I tried to appreciate each bite as I forced it down. The only other sound was that of Mother trying to fold the newspaper in order to read it properly — our kitchen table was too small these days to rest the pages on.

As I finished up my breakfast, all she said was, “Hurry up. You don’t want to miss the bus.”

Who, Me?

It’s another way to think about yourself,
black-hole fighter,
ground alighter,
physics law smiter.

I, a Living Spaceship?
An effort-based
Vehicle, my bony chassis

 A galactic assembly of
Calcium plants,
Milky Way beams

Within skin panels
I boost with muscle
Strands fueled

By liquid iron circuits,
These tributaries
Transfuse digits,

 Limbs, trunk
Alike, irrigate with
Minerals I

Commandeer, flood
Interior plains,
Steer each day

The way the moon
Rocks the sea, nightly
Surely, lightly.

Haiku Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, part 1

The much-anticipated continuation: Book 6!

Chapter 1: The Other Minister

Muggle PM—and
readers—brought to speed by new
Minister, Scrimgeour.

Chapter 2: Spinner’s End

Snape’s a Death Eater!
He vows to aid Draco in
some sinister plot.

Chapter 3: Will and Won’t

Harry leaves Dursleys
early with Dumbledore, owns
Kreacher and Black’s house.

Chapter 4: Horace Slughorn

Dumbledore uses
Harry to convince an old
chair to teach again.

Chapter 5: An Excess of Phlegm

Fleur’s back! and engaged
to Ron’s brother Bill. Harry’s
back at the Burrow.

He tells Ron, Hermy
’bout prophecy and gets O. W. L. S.
grades; Auror is out.

Chapter 6: Draco’s Detour

Twins’ store huge success.
Harry, Weasleys visit, meet
muy shady Draco.

Chapter 7: The Slug Club

Harry, Ginny, and
Neville are invited to
special Slughorn lunch.

Then, stupid Harry
tries to spy on Malfoy, gets
beat up, left on train.

Chapter 8: Snape Victorious

Tonks rescues Harry.
Snape finally gets dream job.
Grawp upgrades housing.

Chapter 9: The Half-Blood Prince

Potions not so bad
without Snape: Harry wins luck
potion (with some help).

Chapter 10: The House of Gaunt

Private lessons with
Dumbledore! Voldy’s inbred
family researched.

Chapter 11: Hermione’s Helping Hand

Hermy cheats, helps Ron
keep Keeper spot. Hagrid’s sad;
his spider’s dying.

Chapter 12: Silver and Opals

Hogsmeade trip horror:
Chaser Katie Bell jinxed by
shady green necklace.

Chapter 13: The Secret Riddle

Stroll down Memory
Lane; Dumbledore lectures on
Voldy’s orphan past.

Chapter 14: Felix Felicis

Ron and Lavender
sitting in a tree, K-I-
S-S-I-N-G.

Chapter 15: The Unbreakable Vow

Snap, yo! Draco IS
up to something! And Prof. Snape
has some secrets, too!

Cheap Shot

Sorrow hangs like a pall on this moonlit night.
We emerge in a rage from the bar.
Our team has lost! We must set things aright!
So let’s go turn over that car.

We’ll show those upstarts from Boston who’s boss!
To greatness our team must aspire!
We represent them! We shall avenge their loss!
So let’s go light shit on fire.

Our honor is stained; there’s no time to ask why.
Hockey is no mere sport; it’s a WAR.
We are on the frontlines! It is now do or die!
So let’s go ransack that store.

Imagine the chaos if your team had WON.
There were other ways to have your say.
Not much left to do, for the damage is done.
So let’s just call it a day.