Nerd Heaven

In heaven I will like baseball because
in heaven I will not suck at baseball.
The same goes for hockey, fighting, and chess.
In heaven I will be able to speak
more than just English, Spanglish, and Latin.
Okay, I can’t speak Latin, but I can
speak Pig Latin, and I think that should count.
In heaven, Pig Latin will count. Also,
in heaven, I won’t have to have all these
hypothetical conversations with
myself about what heaven will be like.
That’s going to give me a ton of time
to play Tetris and enjoy sex and beer.
In heaven, I will have free sex and beer.

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