Thanks so much for your most kind invitation
to come and ring in the New Year.
I must submit this grave reservation
and admit I am staying right here.

It’s not that I don’t find you all a delight;
please don’t take my refusal that way.
It’s just that my history with this very night
is one of despair and dismay.

Take the night I was at an event where the shtick
was the “Stooge-a-thon” on the t.v.
Pick a Stooge, take a drink when your pick
takes a hit.  This did not end well for me.

One year I made plans with my sweetheart du jour
I waited and waited all night.
The next day I got a big load of manure
how he’d fallen asleep.  (I know – right?!)

I’ve been stood up, been passed out, and hit by a cork.
So tonight I am in with my mate.
I’ll watch that big ball drop in good ol’ New York
provided I stay up that late.

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