- A Ceti Eel
- A brass Eiffel Tower pencil sharpener and a ball-peen hammer
- A pneumatic drill
- The Zombie Apocalypse*
- Voluntary trepanation (see: pneumatic drill)
- “Billie Jean,” which not only will purportedly scrub the Lita Ford from my brain, it will exit quietly, leaving no residual trace of its pummeling bass line.
* – I have my doubts about this one. It is entirely probable that this will be playing in my head even as I am dispatching a zombie with the pneumatic drill. I will have to turn the drill on myself, not because I don’t believe I will survive the undead menace, but because I will most certainly not survive having this song in my head.